Back in the day, when dinosaurs roamed... {Open}

[Van Valerius]

Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing
Tired of living like a blind man
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling
And this is how you remind me
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am




Jerusalem, 1267 AD


“’Yeah, Van, just go over to the town opposite the river, pick up some supplies, and meet us right here,’ he said. ‘There’s nothing going on down there’, he said. ‘Should be easy for you’, he said. I’m gonna KILL him when I get back there. Kill him ‘til he’s dead…then kill him again. ‘Easy’; HA! I should’ve KNOWN not to trust him when I heard him say that word. ‘Easy’. Like anything’s easy for me. Go to that town, buy the supplies, then get attacked by those damn zombies again. I protect the locals and make sure that the things don’t kill any of ‘em, and what do I get in return? Arrows shot at my head. And my ass looking like a friggin pin cushion. And if that dagger went any higher, I’d be singing soprano right now…”

Kicking at a rock, the hero of such a sad little narrative ran a gauntleted hand through his choppy black hair, tipping his face back to glare up at the sky. Pale eyes flickered across the clouds, as if looking for something between their cottony depths, and his chapped lips flattened into a thin line. The day had started off well enough; he’d gotten four hours sleep- way past his normal gift of two hours, if he was lucky- in a real bed, had a nice hot meal for free, got flirted with by practically everything female on the premises, and had been traveling with an agreeable band of nobodies bent on enjoying their lives to the fullest.

He should’ve seen the zombie attack and imminent betrayal coming. His life was anything but pleasurable, after all.

After meeting up with Karl and his band of brothers, he’d shrugged off his hermetic tendencies, basking in the joy that was camaraderie. They’d hit a few towns, partied until they’d dropped, and then this morning, with an innocent grin on his face, his new friend had asked him to run out and restock their disappearing supplies. And he’d been happy to oblige, too; used to being the one barking orders, he’d always found it hard to follow someone else’s, but for this guy, who’d allowed him some semblance of normalcy, he’d swallowed his pride and rode out into the sunrise. He hadn’t gotten as far as the General Store’s front stoop, however, when all Hell broke loose. Literally.
And now, here he was; carrying the tattered remains of his belongings- extra clothes, a ripped bedroll, some food and a faded, torn picture wrapped securely in a piece of cloth- with no money, no horse, and no contacts he could call on for help.

It was such a good thing that he was used to wandering. Maybe there’d be a town nearby, where he could loan himself out as a handyman or bodyguard…hmm…

“Or maybe I can just sit down, slit my wrists and see how long it’d take me to die.” He muttered darkly, eyes returning to the dusty road in front of him as he continued to move.

Not that it would really do any good; him slitting his wrists. Being immortal tended to give a guy such problems, after all. What, with having one’s real parents be Gods and one living out their life on earth because of a plan gone haywire that turned you into a Demi-God, with no rest thanks to the eternal vengeance of your mother’s jealous husband and his army of zombies and robot-like assassins.

…Yeah, ‘happy’ really wasn’t a word used to describe him at the moment.

Rolling his shoulder and slipping a finger under the bandage wrapped there to check for blood- clean, good. Infections wouldn’t kill him, but they were damn painful while they healed- he forced himself to keep moving, his jaw clenched tight enough to make his teeth explode. He had to find somewhere to rest soon, or he’d be lying in the middle of the road like an armored speed bump. He hadn’t had a chance to take a look at the nicely illustrated map hanging on the wall of the general store before he’d been chased out, but he remembered Karl talking about some little village down the road a bit before he’d run him through--

Wait, stop, hold that thought. Did he smell horses ahead? Hear the telltale sounds of a caravan rolling along at a leisurely pace? Hear voices floating upon the wind?

Or was he just going completely insane? Whoo, finally. After years of worrying his poor head off, at least he knew that he’d lost it…or not. Hmm…there really was a caravan up ahead, wasn’t there? What good timing they had.

Making sure that his hands were visible, lest the members of the party took him to be a threat- wearing a chest plate full of spikes and some formidable looking armor tended to give a person that kind of vibe, after all- he pasted a friendly little smile on his stubbled mouth, and tucked his things under his arm.

“Hail the caravan!” He called out, naturally rough voice thick with his native accent echoing smoothly in the still atmosphere around them. Maybe he’d finally caught a break.

[EmmiLynn Douglas]

Dont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me
Dont cha, dont cha
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me
Dont cha, dont cha

There were just some days it didn't pay to be female. Especially in the middle of a city full of male chauvinists that thought women were made to be their personal toys and didn't know what the meaning of “NOT IN THIS CENTURY”was. Unfortunately, that is exactly were Emmi had ended up when she'd snuck aboard the ship that had taken her out of England and through the hot sands of Isreal to the city of Jerusalem.

Now why on earth would any sane woman go to those lengths to get to a destination where women were subject to the most degrading situations, you might ask? Well, when she was searching for a very rare artifact that could be used to take over the earth, of course! An opportunity like that was NOT to be missed no matter the obstacles. Never mind that she was forced to wear men's clothing, keep her hair donned up under a squires helm, put up with creepy crawlies in her bed roll and suppress the urge to gag whenever the other “boys” decided a naked swim was just the thing to do when on a rare oasis in the desert. What was a little discomfort when the rewards for retrieving such a prize for the Queen of the Fae was boundless? Right?

And it had all worked so splendidly!

Right up to the moment that the guard of the sultan's palace had seen right through her disguise and decided she would make the perfect addition to his lord's harem. Talk about bad luck! She'd merely been scanning the palace for a way in when her turban had fallen off and the guard had put two and two together and come up with a whole lot of things Emmi hadn't wanted him too.

Oh Yeah....That had been just the beginning of her troubles.

Before she could even yelp, she'd been bag, tagged and hustled off to be the masters little plaything. Now, that probably would have been all right if it didn't require actually BEDDING the man in question. Emmi had actively enjoyed being bathed, perfumed and pampered. It was only the stories of the “masters” many harem women that had renewed her determination to pull a disappearing act.

After all, she'd never been known to share well and cat fights certainly weren't her style. She preferred trial by wits and weapons.

So, by pretending defeat and enjoying those little pleasures (yeah, I know. Tough gig huh?), she'd been able to lull the guards into thinking that she was resigned to her fate and then slipped out the side gate when a wayward servant wasn't quick enough to lock it. Full of herself and patting her own back, the little witch had rushed through the streets of the city only to realize that she had another major problem.

Dressed in only a sheer set of harem pants and a silk bodice that left very little to the imagination, she was the sort of sweet temptation that the crusading knights had had little of in their months of war. Combine that with the fact she wore a pure gold chain about her waist and a jewel encrusted bodice that would have made many a man weep for the chance to touch such wealth..... Well, it was safe to say that she soon found herself hunted like a fine English fox on a wild marsh hunt.

Bloody Hell. If it wasn't for bad luck, she wouldn't have any luck at all!

Ducking into a livery stable, Emmi spied a squire cleaning his lords tack and a long dark cloak laying on the straw nearby. Knowing it was only a matter of time before the horde tracked her to this place, the pretty blond waited until his back was turned and then snatched the cloak and took off through the dunes behind the building. As luck would have it, it was on the edge of the city and she hurried along the outskirts until she saw a caravan looming ahead. Hoping against hope to find some shelter there and suddenly hearing the sound of hoofbeats in the sands behind her, Emmi darted forward and crashed into a lone male who seemed to be heralding the wagons too.

However, before she could apologize for virtually knocking him over, she saw the shapes of horses and men coming out of the darkness and knew she had to move quickly. In a motion that would have made her dead tutor proud, she used her leg to trip him and then twisted so that her body cushioned his fall and he was sprawled on top of her in a position that the coming riders would take as a man enjoying a woman.

“No time to explain!” she hissed to the startled man. “If you just go with this, I promise I'll give you anything you want!”

Then, with no time to explain more, she relaxed her body into the sands and felt him settle more comfortably against the cradle of her body. Pulling his head down, she tilted her head and pressed her lips against his in a kiss that had to have every appearance of desperate passion.

Not that the desperation was really a problem seeing as she was a hairs breath from being raped and probably murdered by soldiers who hadn't had a woman in months. That thought alone had her throwing herself into the role with eagarness that had nothing to do with the man on top of her. Oh lord, she didn't even know what he looked like! What if he was married all ready? Or even worse? What if he was French? Those french men were so hairy and had no sense of fashion!



How on earth had she gotten herself into this again?

[Van Valerius]

Kill, maim, cripple, HURT…gah, those stupid fools had better be happy that they’d run away rather than face him! Kicking at the sand under his feet, Van couldn’t help but grumble at nothing while waiting for the guards around the caravan to notice him. Oh, how he wanted to hunt down Karl and his Band of Bastards and ring some beefy necks!

He’d actually thought that he’d found a group of guys that were cool to hang with. He’d thought that, given their similarly mercenary-status, they could get along; share some missions, split money six ways, sing songs and swap stories over a campfire. He couldn’t help but grin wryly at the thought, the idle hope that he could find some feeling of companionship in this harsh little world. He’d succeeded once or twice, while serving under the Roman Caesar, and doing his soldier-thang in various armies…but there was definitely a downside to living forever.

Doing the ‘alone’ thing was one of them. And some people liked to write romantic stories about eternal wanderers…ha. He’d love to stick one of those morons in his shoes and see how they liked watching everyone they’d ever loved die in front of them. Romantic? Pah. Try depressing.

Rubbing at the back of his neck, Van sighed, muttering a dark ‘thank the Gods, FINALLY’ once he got a signal from the caravan. These guys were definitely getting slow, he thought absently, given that it took them time enough for his happy mood to circle the drain to notice his ass.

Maybe they’d need another guard, and he could swap stories with the guys? Ah, Gods, he was pitiful—

With a grunt, he stumbled forward as something soft and slightly boney slammed into his side. Face twisted in surprise and annoyance, he jerked his head down to glare at whatever had hit him…and proceeded to let loose a martyred groan.

Blond, buxom, dressed like she was made for pleasing a man…and probably going nuts under Mommy Dearest’s spell. As the little woman proceeded to mold herself to him, the demi-god smacked a hand against his forehead and did his best to inch away from her, without hurting her on his spiked armor.

“Look, lady, what you’re feeling isn’t real,” He tried to say, while attempting to unwind her arms from his waist. Ever since he’d reached puberty, every single woman around him tended to think of him as some kind of walking, talking pleasure stick. While most men would probably give their left testicle to be in his position, after getting attacked by countless women over the years- there would be a comedy play made out of this in the future, he just KNEW it- and seen as nothing but some kind of orgasm machine, things got a bit old. He couldn’t even enjoy an ale, most days, without running upstairs to his room to avoid being grabbed in not-so-happy places.

“I don’t want anything from you! Just go back to your palace before you hurt yourself…DAMMIT, I…” Whatever else he was about to say was cut off abruptly, as she captured her lips with his...and knocked his ass straight onto the sand. Well, there went his mercenary ego; he'd just been face planted by a stick figure! For a moment, he was still against her, surprise and…something less annoyed. She was so damn soft, and the subtle scent of roses tickled his nose as his arms tensed against the urge to pull her closer, sink down into her...

But then, as usual, common sense kicked in and he jerked himself away from her, lifting up on his arms so he could snarl right into that impish face. “Gods, woman, what are you doing? I could have squashed you! AND I HAVE SPIKES ON MY CHEST PLATE, YOU CRAZY COW! I—“ With a frown, he trailed off, eyes flickering up as the pounding of hooves finally reached his ears. Four knights pulled up to an abrupt stop as they caught sight of him and his new companion.

“That woman is ours!” One of the men yelled, his voice practically echoing through the thick tin of his helmet. “Hand her over, and you can be on your way!”

Frowning, he looked down at the woman under him and raised a brow, as if to say ‘and what’s your counter offer, lady?’

[EmmiLynn Douglas]

Now then tell me baby, do you need my love?
Tell me baby, are you thinking of me?
Tell me baby, what it is you need?
What kind of satisfaction guaranteed?




Talk about a way to bring a girl back down to earth! Had this idiot really just called her a COW? Why she outta......She outta.. She outta.. She outta just keep her mouth shut with the vibrations of horses feet shifting the sand into her clothing and reminding her of her own parell. The sound of men shouting brought her back to earth and she forced down the impulse to do bodily harm. She was going to just smile and make nice..... Even if it killed her.

At least till till the english bastards were gone. After that.. All bets were off!

Bloody sod.

As the men spoke above her, Emmi ground her teeth and pasted on a smile as she peeked around his shoulder. Yup, they were the same ones that had chased her through the city all right. They weren't looking any to happy to find their prey under another man either.

“I'm sorry, good sirs, but I'm afraid you gave me quiet a start earlier. I was on my way back to my husband here when you terrified the poor wits out of me.” she twinkled up at them like a naughty wife caught in the act of something she would rather not admit too. “I was seeking to suprise him with the dance I had heard about from one of the women in the area and I'm afraid I got hopelessly lost on the way home.”

Curling her arm around her new “husband”s waist, she pulled him down close so that her next words were just for him.

“I will gladly give you all the jewels in this bodice if you just play along with me. I have no wish to be raped and left for dead in this godforsaken country!”

Then, pretending a shyness she hadn't felt in a good fifty years, the little witch forced a blush to her cheeks and chirped at the men.

“But as you can see.. he was so overcome by the very sight of me that my little surprise was a complete success. I do so want to be the sort of wife that keeps her man happy.”

Grumbling, the men on the horses looked from their spraweled position in the sand, to her companions armor and then to the leader. Finally, growling his disgust at having his prey outmanuever him, he nudged his horse forward.

“How do we know hes really your husband, wench. You could be trying to allude us.”

Gasping innocently, Emmi stared up at him like he'd grown horns.

“GOOD SIR! DO I LOOK LIKE THE SORT OF WOMAN WHO WOULD BE ROLLING A MAN IN THE SAND WHO WAS NOT HER HUSBAND? I ASSURE YOU THAT I”M A RIGHT AND PROPER LADY AND YOU HAVE INSULTED MY VIRTUE!”

Then, with a bit of devil poking at her, she hide a grin and eyed the man laying on top of her.

“Aren't I, milord? And you certainly aren't the sort of man who would bed a strange woman in the middle of the desert, would you? I think this man doth insult my honor! I demand that you teach him a lesson!”

SHaking his head, the leader tugged back on the reins and gave the man on the ground a commiserating look.

"My apologies, milord. Your woman seems like quiet a handful. If I were you .. I would beat her soundly and often to see that she behaves.

[Van Valerius]

Okay, so when he’d woken up that morning and thought himself a simple mercenary, he really hadn’t planned on getting married. Thankful that their current position in the sand hid the ‘WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!’ look he threw her when she spoke, Van could only freeze in complete shock. Husband? Men chasing her? What?

Well, there went his reputation for being quick on his feet. Was that his brain turning to sludge in his head? Or his face set into a comical array of confusion and annoyance? Damn, he was always toting how cool he was under pressure…he should just let Haphaestus’ goons have at his ass…

Slowly, Van pushed himself to his feet and brought the woman up with him. Thank the Gods these knights seemed stupid enough to believe her story, as well played as it was. Would any warrior worth his salt knowingly throw himself on his woman in full armor? ESPECIALLY when his armor was covered in iron spikes? These men from the west really were stupid.

So, what to do, what to do. It wasn’t like she was really going to marry his ass if he went along with her, now was it? At least, he could hope…but anyway, it was easy to outrun women these days, given how ‘delicate’ they were supposed to be. Anyway, when was he ever one to throw away a buxom young thing that wasn’t really out to get in his pants? All of the flocking and the swooning made a man miss the challenge of a chase.

This one didn’t exactly strike him as the ‘unsex me!’ type, now did she? Perhaps when all of this was done, he’d see if Mother’s charms really did work on everyone.

Sliding an arm around her waist, he slanted his mouth down to make it look like he was kissing her temple. “I bet you say that to all your heroes,” He murmured, a grin tugging at his lips. “I hope you have a good amount of…jewels on you, blossom. It’s expensive to be my wife.”

Tugging her into the crook of his arm and away from the dangers of his chest plate, the demi-god flashed an irritated glare at the gathered men. He let some of Daddy’s charms come out in that one, grinning wolfishly as the men- and horses- fell back as one. Lazily, he let his hand drift down to the sword at his side, fingers itching to lift it from its sheath.

“Oh, don’t worry, my wife will get what’s owed her,” He drawled to the knights. The other men laughed, but the sound was quickly cut off when he took a step forward, face transforming from the wickedly flirtatious grin he’d thrown at Emmi, to the ‘I wanna piss down your throat’ glare he’d worked on for so many years. “But I believe all of you owe her an apology for chasing her and besmirching her honor! I will have an apology, or I will have blood!”

He used his best gladiator voice, honed in the arena, and held back the urge to laugh as more than half of the band turned green. Damn, he’d actually been hoping for a fight, since his nasty half hadn’t gotten any action lately.

“We do apologize for insulting your lady, m’lord,” The leader said, bowing in his saddle. He looked a bit green around the gills, and his men were already urging their mounts to back away. Turning to Emmi, the knight bowed low again, then urged his fellows back to the city.

Slowly, he shut down the beast in his mind and let his expression turn unreadable. For a few minutes, he watched the men leave, making sure that there would be no more arrows sticking out of his behind for the next couple days. However, even when they were out of sight…he didn’t let go of the blond by his side.

With an impish grin so unlike the snarl he’d previously worn, Van turned back to Emmi. “So, wife…care to explain to me what that was all about?”

[EmmiLynn Douglas]

I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'm beggin' you to beg me
I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me


Ok, there were moments when Emmi truly thought she outta be nominated for saint hood. The moment the bastard on the horse mentioned beating her, she wanted to shove aside her new "husband" and wack the beast upside the head with that blade he carried at his waist. If there hadn't been so many of them and she wasn't afraid of being burned at the stake for being a witch, which she was, no pun intended.... She would have used her powers to do just that. That would have sent them all home screaming for their mothers!

It was probably a good thing that the man on top of her rose and started speaking. It gave the petite witch the opportunity to rein in the powers that were startling to swirl unconsciously. That didn't mean she couldn't elbow him in the side for his little comment though... HARD. Unfortunately, that only earned her a bruised elbow since the man's armor was more than enough protection against her angled limb.

Damn men and their protective gear. It was so unfair. Never mind that it was designed to save their lives... That was such a paltry reason to wear the stuff when she wanted them to feel HER irritation.

All of her disgruntlement faded though when he turned away from her and took up her challenge. Was he nuts or merely insane?? There were four of them to his one! Surely he hadn't taken her literally and was willing to take them all on in a bout of strength! That would be suicide! Not to mention that his death would put her squarely back at the starting gate! She had a feeling that these chaps wouldn't be believing her story about a second husband.

By the GODS.... She was cursed to be surrounded by idiots and crazy people all her life.

Then, to her surprise, the other knights seemed to decide that the better part of valor was to retreat and live to fight another day. Tilting her head a bit in perplexion, Emmi watched in amazement as even the leader seemed to grow frightened and urged his horse away. Before she could even gather her wits they were retreating into the night leaving her still plastered to her "rescuer's" side.


What the bloody hell had just happened?

Rattled, the little witch didn't at first hear his question but when she did, she rolled her eyes and tried to shrug out from under his arm. Not that the charade was over, she was definitely feeling like some space was needed.


"THAT?? That was about what fools men can be when you flash a bit of cleavage and show a bit of ankle. They turn into slavering idiots with nothing more on their mind than to rut like dogs. I swear, if it was up to fools such as they... Society would populate like bunnies do." she retorted. "And you can drop the wife thing now, sir. I thank you for your help and if you could just see to lending me a shirt and pair of pants, I would be happy to pay your fee. Unfortunately, until I can get something to take the place of this...... top.... I'm afraid that I can't give you your fee."

In total disgust with the whole situation, Emmi motioned downwards with her hands and then immediately regretted it. Here she was in the dark of night with a perfect stranger in the most scanty outfit she'd ever seen in her life. She looked like some wealthy sheik's plaything.

Oh, wait.... Scratch that. She had been some wealthy sheik's plaything.

Sighing in resignation, Emmi wanted to bang her head against a wall. To bad there weren't any around. She was beginning to think that her life was one bad joke after another.

"And no.. this isn't really what it looks like." she started to protest before stopping in mid sentence. "Ok, so maybe it is. However, it wasn't my fault. You see... I was on a mission that required me to observe the sheik's palace and one of the guards knocked my turban off and found out I was female. He promptly decided I would make a perfect addition to his lord's harem and whisked me off. Unfortunately, I'm not really the sharing sort of female and decided I didn't want to be his obediant sex toy so I slipped out the back gate. Really, who wants to be one of hundreds for some old, grumpy guy?"

Shaking her head, the witch twisted to pace a few steps away with the tiny bells on her feet and at her waist jingled softly. Groaning, she unclasped the golden chain about her waist and then held it out.

"Will this do for now? Its of the purest gold and would probably purchase you anything you wish." she said, tilting her head. "I just wouldn't do it here though... Someone might recognize it and then you would lose your head."

[Van Valerius]

Oh, GODS, did that mouth ever stop moving?! He’d asked a fairly simple question, hadn’t he? Hades, it was like he’d just popped the cork off a water skin and all of the precious liquid was running out, a mile a minute.

Except, in this case, ‘precious’ didn’t exactly describe the chattering that took place. There was a reason why he valued his wandering ALONE. He’d forgotten that fact while traveling with that cutthroat band of mercenaries, but damn did he remember it now! Would it be childish and completely unmanly to plug his ears and start humming? Ah Gods, his head! There was no wonder that most men called marriage being ‘shackled.’ Were his eyes crossing? They definitely felt crossed…

“Gods, alright, I get it; men are pigs,” He said, readily letting her step away from him. “Enough chattering already! Your voice is like a knife through my brain.”

Though he kept one eye on that shapely form of hers while he bent down to retrieve his belongings, he was really only looking for concealed weapons going for his back. He already had enough holes in his hide, thanks so much.

Slinging the worn leather sack over his shoulder, he eyed her for a minute, a frown forming on his face. He would appreciate some payment for saving her life, but he always hated taking money from women…even if it was a well deserved transaction. Not to mention that this poor featherhead looked like she’d need all the gold those translucent pockets could hold.

He, on the other hand? All he needed was a bedroll and a sword, and he’d be set. With a shake of his head, he dismissed the chain and started to walk toward the caravan. Maybe some distance between them would help with the ringing in his ears? Gods, he did hope so; her voice was so shrill when she was angry! Forget trebuchets or fire; all a General had to do was toss her at the enemy, and they’d run screaming from the field.

Speaking as he strolled by, he chanced a glance down at her face, an amused light in his eyes when he caught her frowning after motioning to her garb. “For future reference, doing anything around a sheik is always a bad idea. For another…that caravan over there probably has clothing goods to sell you, so you don’t have to marry every man who walks by. Use that chain to get yourself something less…shimmery.”

With that, he turned to go, though he did let his eyes linger on a certain part of her anatomy that left nothing to the imagination. He knew what it felt like to be ogled, though…to be grabbed at and nicknamed Static Cling for all the garments that were thrown at his head. Mama Aphrodite would be so proud…but anyway, he knew the embarrassment that came along with covetous staring, so he quickly looked away. She obviously didn’t want him looking, so he’d be a good little boy and respect her wishes.

A grin and a salute to her later, and he was wandering off toward the line of carts.

[EmmiLynn Douglas]

Daddy-O, you got the swagger of a champion
Too bad for you, you just can't find the right companion
I guess when you have one too many, makes it hard, it could be easy
Who you are, that's just who you are, baby
Lollipop, must mistake me you're the sucker
To think that I would be a victim not another
Say it, play it how you want it
But no way I'm never gonna fall for you, never you, baby
Womanizer, woman-womanizer, you're a womanizer

OH NO HE HADN"T!! HE HAD NOT JUST INSULTED HER AND THEN TURNED TO WALK AWAY!!!

WHO THE HELL DID HE THINK HE WAS?? GODS GIFT TO WOMEN??

NOT HARDLY... She's seen a better as on .. on... on.... OK, well maybe she hadn't but that was hardly the point, all right? Just cause he was tall, gorgeous and entirely to edible for her peace of mind didn't give him the right to treat her like some fish wife. He might of done her a favor but that didn't mean she couldn't have handled the situation if push had come to shove. He'd simply been a speedier means to and end and she was ever about efficiency.

And then he'd had to gaul to refuse her generous gesture of payment on top of it! What sort of mercinary was he? Was he stupid?

Eh, scratch that one.... Only a fool would call the man stupid with the amount of weapons he carried on his person. He couldn't be that dumb if their worn condition was any indication of his skill with them.

Never mind that though.. She would NOT beholden to any man!

Glaring after him, Emmi tapped her foot in the sand and then growled. She really couldn't help it. The idiot was really LEAVING her here. She was NOT chasing after him... She wasn't. It was his fault he didn't want to take payment, right? She'd offered, he'd refused. Simple transaction.

Only it wasn't.

Emmi had been taught right from wrong and she didn't like leaving any debts unpaid. They could rise up to bit you in the ass when you were least expecting it.

Hence, the reason she found herself slowly trudging along after him calling him every nasty name in the book as she went. She'd also mentally painted a nice big bullseye on the back of his trousers and was happily fantasizing about sending flaming fireballs right at that tender area.

NOW THAT WAS A FANTASY WORTH SMILING OVER!

All to soon, they reached the caravan and Emmi found herself stared at like some sort of random gift of the gods or , as the women's faces bespoke, a vile creature of sin. Sighing, she cast the man a glare and then put on her best pitiful expression before launching into a tale that would have made the sternest heart melt. She, innocent and alone, had been caught up by bandits and carted off to the infidel city to be sold into slavery. Luck would have it that she ran into this BRAVE (Gag, gag) knight who'd rescued her but they'd as yet been unable to find any decent clothing for the villians responsible had been breathing down their necks.

Immediately, the tide changed and she sent Van one triumphant look before she was swept away under the motherly clucking of the caravan ladies.Her only regret is that her tale had left him looking like the hero and not the villain. It would have served him right if she'd painted it the other way!

Then again, Emmi wasn't anything if not fair. He HAD saved her whether she was happy about it or not.

A spell of time later and the petite scot found herself clothed in "respectable" garments of the native ladies and thought she'd gone to hell. Layer upon layer of hot, sticky material had been piled on her until not an inch of her skin was revealed and she felt as if she were going to roast alive. Boys' clothing had been bad enough and she was almost ready to beg for the scanty harem costume back as she trudged from the wagons.

How on EARTH had she gotten herself into this mess again??

Sighing in absolute frustration, Emmi waited until the other women were busy doing chores and then she slipped off into the shadows. Finding a dune not far away, she plopped down and stared blankly out over the sands. Her mind whirled and she wondered how she was ever going to complete her mission, now? The palace guards knew her face so it wasn't like she could go back really.

Suddenly, the sounds of something not natural in the night found her ears. Frowning, she gaze out over the shifting sands and at first, did not make out what disturbed her. The hills seemed to roll with the breeze and then she realized what she was seeing.

BANDITS!!! THE CARAVAN WAS ABOUT TO BE ATTACKED!!

Careful to keep her presence unknown, Emmi slipped back over her dune and then raced for the wagons. The warrior was the first one she spotted so her feet beat a path towards him. She was completely out of breath by the time she reached him and barely got out a warning.


"ATTACKERS!!! COMING THIS WAY!!" she gasped out.

[Van Valerius]

With a smirk on his face, Van listened to those dainty footsteps that sounded behind him. He never knew that anyone could stomp in sand, but this lady had definitely found a way to pull it off. He could practically feel eyeball daggers stabbing at the nack of his head and he let loose a martyred sigh. Of couse he' had to attract a strong willed damsel in distress, he thought with a shake of his head. No the looker couldn't have been one of those typical ladies who'd fawned and stammered when he was around. She was almist...out of her time, wasn't she? As outspoken and fiery as she was, he was surprised she'd lasted so long, in a world dominated by men.

It was no wonder that she'd been claimed by the sheik. If she was this crazy on a normal day...how would she be in bed? He snuck a backwards glance at her from over his shoulder. Despite his vow to stop being an over stimulated sex toy, he couldn't help but remember how nice she'd felt under him, or how nice she'd smelled...

Damn, cue some mental slapping. He DEFINITELY didn't need to deal with that shite right then. Hello, angry gods and zombie assassins anyone?

Steeling his spine, he tried his best to ignore the woman behind him and made his way to the armored men surrounding the caravan. Putting on his best "friendly yet deadly" expression, he put his sword arm up for sale. The lady could take care of herself, given the angry glares she was giving him.

A few hours later, he was sitting pretty on a horse borrowed from a breeder, a a few gold coins in his pocket, and a pretty merchant's daughter giving him flirty eyes from an adjacent wagon. All in all, things were definitely looking up. Maybe he could get enough out of all this to earn himsrlf an actual hotel room, once they reached another city. As the caravan stopped, he tied up his horse and wandered to the outskirts of the protective circle. He would have loved to stay with the others and shoot some dice with the guys, but thanks to Mommy Dearest, all those sweet young ladies and matronly women just couldn't help but to give him google eyes all over the place.

So sue him, but he prefered not to get stabbed in the ass by an abgry father/husband. It was already sore from those damn arrows.

With a sigh, he settled down by a fire and stared into the flames. After stripping off his chest plate, he let his mind wander, absently tracing the vines of the tattoo on his hand. One, two, three roses budded from thorns, and he could picture their angelic faces. He smiled then, heareing their voices in his ears, some of that eternal tension from his shoulders slowly fading away...

And then a harpy's scream tore through the night, and his shoulders tried their best to explode. What the effing hell?

It took him a second to realize what the woman was screaming and when he did, he was immediately on his feet, sword in hand. With a snarl as shadowy forms appeared on the dunes behind her, he rushed forward, pulling her into the circle of his arms and turned them so he could protect her with his body. He grunted as an arrow dug into his shoulder. Godsdammit, the one time he de-armors himself, bandits come? Cursing, he shoved her toward the caravan, breaking the feathered part of the arrow with a clean snap.

"Go and hide with the others!" He snarled, pulling a dagger from his boot. He tossed it at a raider that got too close and faced off with the charging group, a bloodthirsty look in his eyes. "Go now!"

[EmmiLynn Douglas]

Make your heart beat thump,
Make your starter jump,
You’re running outta' time,
And then you’re fighting all night,
With my rocking shoes,
‘cuz I’m hungry for you,
Well I’m living on the line,
All my life, rock with me,
Come on come on, you want it
Spoilin’ for a fight,
Spoilin’ for a fight,
Try to make it right.

There was something to be said about confidence in a man. No sooner than she'd gasped out her warning then her savior from earlier was on the move. One moment, she was exposed to the oncoming hoards and the next... The next she was protected by his strong body. For the first time in ages, she actually found herself wanting that feeling.

To bad he had to go and ruin it by treating her like a mindless ball of fluff and telling her to run away and hide. AS IF!

Rolling her eyes, Emmi turned and let out a shrill warning whistle that alerted the rest of the caravan and then started yanking off layers of material. She couldn't fight in this contraption and she wasn't about to let her savior be slaughtered by the on coming villians.

After all, he'd saved her ass once... it was only proper that she return the favor!

Once she had her lithe frame freed and clad in only the set of filmy trousers and chemise that the ladies had allowed her to keep, Emmi saw other men rushing out to join them and smiled. The drifters certainly weren't mere peasants by the looks of their blades! Maybe they would survive this fight after all!

Just as she thought that, the first waves crashed into each other and the battle was on. There was at least two dozen bandits against the men of the caravan and the odds were grossly against them. As one of their own fell, the slender blond growled and raced forward to pick up his fallen sword before brandishing it against the enemy.

The idiot had the audacity to LAUGH at her!

Which earned him a quick slash of her sword and instantaneous death. Idiot. First lesson of war.. Never underestimate your opponent.

One down and a mass to go, Emmi turned to look for her warrior and found him surrounded by four armed men. Blood flowed freely down his back where he'd been injured and he while he looked to be holding his own.... He was obviously in trouble.

Biting her lower lip, the little witch looked around to see if she was being observed and then grinned evilly. Everyone was to preoccupied by the fight to notice her actions so she slipped aside and set aside her sword. Closing her eyes for a moment, she brought her hands together and then grinned when heat formed on her palm. Without further thought, she drew a fist back and sent three balls of fire whirling through the night and smack into the backs of three of Van's oppenents.

"TAKE THAT!" she thought gleefully as she watched them dance around, trying to remove the flames from their clothing. "I always believe in a fair fight... Now you can have one!"

Then, hoping her savior wouldn't figure out that she was responsible for the new occurrence... She did what any sensible girl would do.

She ducked behind a wagon and took on another villian!

It was a life of death struggle, after all!

[Van Valerius]

Gods, THIS was what he needed. Forget that nagging need to be a part of society and to be ‘one of the boys’ with his fellow guards. Forget his yearning to be normal, the curiosity of being loved without the influence of his mother’s genes, or the fact that he really would have enjoyed having a companion to share his burdens with…

There was just nothing for a guy when he was in a state of annoying depression than a good, bloody fight. His bloodthirsty half, compliments of Daddy Dearest, practically burst from him and, like a switch being flipped, all that whiney, human nonsense that had plagued his mind since his latest betrayal proceeded to melt away. He was free, he was finally content.

And, oh yeah, he was currently kicking the crap out of an unarmed bandit who was mewling for mercy. Hot DAMN, this was so much better than being all girly with his feelings!

A battle roar escaped him as he whirled to deflect a blade to his middle, engaging in a heated display of swordplay. Back and forth his sword swung, whistling in the air like a crazed bird. Arrows were flying, people were screaming, other bandits were doing that ‘yi-yi-yi!’ thing with their tongues that he could never quite copy…and he was having a fuckin’ awesome time! As long as no one in the caravan got seriously hurt, maybe he could get a raise from all of this?

Not to mention that, hopefully, nobody would pay any heed to the fact that he was currently going batshit crazy with the bloodlust. He wasn’t a berserker, persay, given that he still had his common sense intact…but when it came to war and battle? His mind tended to transform into one big, gleaming calculator- not that he’d know of such things, but hey, there was a gadget that would revolutionize numbers- and his body became like liquid; flowing over the battlefield in a killing frenzy.

A few more bandits fell by his hand, one no more than fifteen years old. His chest tightened as he watched the light drain out of the boy’s eyes, and his hesitation cost him a whole piece of flesh. With a growl, he jerked away from a sword that slashed through his sleeve, catching his upper arm. He raised his own blade to parry and return, but before he knew it, a blazing ball of fire shot by him and slammed into the would-be assailant.

Shock and confusion was written on his face as he turned toward its origin, and his jaw went slack as he caught sight of the mouthy woman from earlier. Gods, what the hell was this? Had she just chucked a ball of FIRE at the bandits? How? Was she a Goddess? Some kind of witch? A cursed human with otherworldly abilities?

Hell, either way, he had to know. Zeus knew that it was a once in a millennia thing; meeting someone as screwed up as he was.

He charged toward her, bandits flying left and right in his wake. The guards were holding their own at the other end of the caravan, so he didn’t feel as guilty running toward the fireball-wielding woman. Skidding to a halt, he scowled down at her from in front of the crates, but ended up ducking behind them with her as a volley of arrows whizzed past his head.

”Who the hell are you?” He demanded, trying to scrunch his larger body behind the crates as arrows continued to fall. ”And how the hell did you just do…what you just did?”

[EmmiLynn Douglas]

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that'll like those ears
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time
Don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm Gonna give all my secrets away

There was nothing like the thrill of a fight.

Dancing in and out of frays, the petite little witch lashed out here and gave a good kick to a bandits hinny there. All the while, she felt the adrenaline pump through her system and she grinned gleefully. There were some things a girl could really get into and since she wasn't in the market for a lover at the current moment.. Well, a good fight sure fit the bill for what her senses were needing.

By the Gods how she loved the thrill.

The sound of swords clashing, men screaming, and arrows humming. Arrows humming? CRAP! As soon as that thought hit home, Emmi threw herself behind a barrier of wood. The impact she expect however seemed to go in a different direction and she peeked out in time to see one of the bandits trying to set fire to a nearby wagon.

Without thought, she drew back her hand, muttered an incantation and then threw a fireball directly at the mans back. A gleeful laugh exploded from her chest as the fool dropped his own torch and hauled ass for cooler climates. She was just about to start doing a little victory dance when someone suddenly popped over the top of her sanctuary and she gave a yelp. When it turned out to just be the arrogant knight from earlier, she rolled her eyes, opened her mouth to reply and promptly got dived upon by his heavy body.

WHAT IN HADES?

Thats when the sound of arrows thudding against her shelter caught her attention. The wood vibrated from the force and Emmi realized that the knight had barely managed to save his own skin.

Talk about close calls!

"Uh..... well.... What exactly do you think you saw?"she tried at first, pasting on what she hoped was an innocent look before glancing up at his face.

Ok, wrong approach. He obviously wasn't buying that one, she decided as he stared at her like he was torn between throttling her and kissing her. Scooting backwards a bit in case he decided to do either, she bit her lip and debated on how to handle this latest development.


"Listen.... can we just forget what you saw and pretend it never happened? Cause .. you keep screeching like that and your going to get me burned at the stake or something and then I will really have to come back and haunt your ass!"

[Van Valerius]

Van’s mouth was probably hanging open like some kind of weird looking fly net, but…screeching? Him? SERIOUSLY? And what was that about being burned at the stake? He was about to ask her just that, but the shrill shriek of a bandit coming at them had him standing and making short work with the little dagger in his waistband. He earned yet another arrow to the shoulder for his efforts, but now they had a bit of time to play with.

With a very unhappy snarl, Van kept his eyes on the battlefield as he ripped the barbed arrow out. It hurt like hell, but the wound would close soon enough, thanks to Mommy Dearest’s immortal side. Even now, he could feel the flesh knitting back together, and if another bandit with a death wish didn’t come hurtling at them again, he’d be fine in no time.

Pushing the discomfort to the back of his head, he faced the woman once again. ”So, you’re a witch,” He said, still peering over the top crate to make sure that they weren’t about to get ambushed. The other Guards looked like they were holding their own, which was a plus. ”That explains a lot. You are human though, aren’t you?”

Because if she was another child of the Gods, he might attempt to slit his wrists right there. Excuse him for hating his many half-cousins, but so far, every time he’d hooked up with one ‘touched by the immortals,’ he’d had his ass handed to him on a silver platter. Another bandit tried to get around to their hiding place, and he donated another dagger.

Damn, at this rate, he wasn’t going to have anything left to throw! Bah, he’d better make use of the crate they were hiding behind. Splintered wood was almost as good as cold, hard steel, after all.

”Listen; you can be human, witch or some kind of bug thing in disguise for all that I care. Just do me a favor? Don’t do the spells while I’m around, alright? If you get caught, I want to be on the opposite end of the continent. Get it? Got it? Good.”

[EmmiLynn Douglas]

Ima make it happen
Ima make a way
If you got something to prove
If you feel the same way
Say I....I


Gah. Drama Diva much?

Emmi couldn't help but roll her eyes as the man eyed her like something that had slithered out from under a rock. Honestly, what did he expect she was going to do? Turn him into a frog or something?

Even had she wanted too, she wouldn't have insulted a poor amphibian like that. He no doubt would think that meant he was some kind of cursed prince in search of his fairy princess. She was good and all but she didn't think he was going to transform into Prince Charming anytime soon with an attitude like that. If some princess came along and kissed him, she'd be more likely to toss him back than put up with his prickly self!


"Oh Please... Get over yourself would you? Contrary to your own popular belief... You aren't THAT irresistible and I will use my magic however I see fit. Your the only one whos noticed so take a chill pill would you? And for the record... I'm a Fae witch.. not human or anything else so just..... shut it would you?"

Peeking over the boxes, Emmi spied another bandit trying to sneak towards them and growled. Stamping her little foot impatiently, she climbed up on one of the crates and narrowed her eyes as she concentrated on the man. After a minute, the fool gave a shout and started cursing as he danced from foot to foot as if sanding on hot coals.

Which, of a sort, he was.

The sand at his feet hand turned to liquid heat and every where he stepped , he landed on more. It seemed that every time he stepped forward towards them, the sand turned to hot lava. With a scream, he turned and went running for the hills. Emmi grinned happily to herself right before another arrow cut through the air and embedded itself in her upper arm.

"BY THE FIRES OF ABBADON!!" she screamed even as she hit the archer with an energy bolt. "YOU SON OF A CAMEL HUMPER!!! I"MMA GOING TO ROAST YOU!!"