Into the Dreaming {ask}

[Kaera Fenrisulfr Vuldanshe]

In my hands A legacy of memories
I can hear you say my name
I can almost see your smile
Feel the warmth of your embrace
But there is nothing but silence now
Around the one I loved
Is this our farewell

Dreams. It was always the dreams. The place where reality couldn’t intrude and the place in which she could find some semblance of happiness. A place where she could be with the one she loved and feel his touch on her skin. Even after over a thousand years, she could still hear his laughter and smell the way his scent lingered on her body after a passionate bought of love making in the heather. In her dreams, the memories came to life and she could hold him close and feel as if he was real.

This eve was no different. Having collapsed into her bed after a flight to London to conclude some business for Morningstar Industries, Kaera Fenrisulfr Valdanshe gladly welcomed the flow of magic that swept her back in time. As sleep swept through her consciousness, her mind recreated a time and place where her fantasies came alive. A time when laughter had been her best friend and soul deep contentment prevailed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


1000 years before in a little village of near Shetland, Scotland

“WULF!! WULF!! DID YOU BRING ME A NEW HORSE!” came the loud cry of a female voice as a blur of sunlight threw itself at a huge blond beast of a man.

Catching the little form up, the man twirled her around and then tossed her in the air with a deep, rumbling laugh. With eyes that directly matched those of the little sister who beamed up at him, the young man smiled wickedly and pretended to think.

“I don’t know… I have a beautiful mare with a golden hide and four white stockings but I was saving her for my sister… Have you seen that little imp around anywhere? She was only knee high to a grasshopper last I saw her so a beautiful beastie like yourself can not surely be she.”


Giggling, the young girl swatted playfully at him before practically dancing from foot to foot.

“Of course I am she, brother mine! I’ve just grown up a bit is all! As if I’ve changed that much…” she retorted before letting her eyes rover over him and giving a little sigh of relief to see him whole and hearty. “Mother will be happy you are home safe and sound… The past few months has been hard on her. She likes it not at all when you men go a raiding.”

Then, as casually as possible, the glimmering blue eyes began to look around. To her brother who knew her so well, there was no doubt for which they sought. Smiling inwardly in satisfaction, he stepped aside and took in the expression that lit his baby sister’s face as her gaze landed on his best friend. It seemed the time demanded by his father had done nothing to lessen the adoration in her young heart and Banning had proven himself loyal to only the princess. But then, that hadn’t really surprised anyone.

After all, it had been that way since the day the young woman had started to leave the child she was behind and become the beauty her golden looks had always promised. Wulf would never forget the day that she’d rode down on them hell bent for leather on a horse that was only half broke and a shout of pure joy. She’d literally knocked his pour friend right off his feet with a stunt that had left them both sprawled on the ground in a heap. When Kaera’s wide blue eyes had meet the berserker’s silver blue ones, a flicker of awareness had passed that had had nothing to do with anger. Something magical and binding had been forged that day and had only grown stronger as the young princess had aged into the beautiful young woman she was now. Banning’s eyes had never strayed to another woman and Wulf couldn’t have been happier for the pair.

In a few days time, he and his male relatives would give her over into the warriors care and it pleased him greatly to welcome a man who’s always been a brother officially into the family. Now that Kaera was of an age where most women were mothers, his father had been unable to put off the joining any longer. Although she was the pet of the family, it was time to let her go and have babies of her own with a solid, dependable mate. At least she wouldn’t be moving to another clan but staying right in their own village.

Leaning down now, Wulf whispered into Kaera’s ear.

“Go to him, now, lass… He has been but half a man for need of you. He is of no use to me in his pitiful state... I will detain father as long as possible but take what time you can for you shall have no more until the ceremony.”

Giving him a glad look, the petite blond embraced him hard with a soft “Thank You” and then darted past him to throw herself a the tall blond warrior who waited somewhat impatiently. Giving his friend a nod, Wulf grabbed Brom by the collar just as he was about to make a smart ass comment and dragged him off in the direction of their family dwelling. The darker haired sibling laughed good naturedly even as the pair of lovers slipped away on Bannings horse.

Holding fast to her loves waist, Kaera pressed her cheek against his back and inhaled his scent. The thrumming of the horse’s feet underneath them carried them out of sight of the village and into rolling hills of heather. No words were spoken until Banning halted the animal and slid from its back. Holding his arms up to her, she went willingly into his embrace and beamed at him in a manner that rivaled the sparkling sunlight.

“A Ghrá Geal” (my bright love) she whispered. “I have missed you… Have you missed me?”

His beaming smile was her reward and then they were tumbling into the soft grass. Laughter rose to the heavens as the young girl pulled him close and felt his kiss upon her lips. The husky tone of his own mirth filled her soul to overflowing.

Then the memories were flying forward to the night of their joining.

Dusk had barely fallen when the males of her family gathered in the central great chamber. An air of solemn gravity pervaded as the women entered through the back and Kaera was lead to her spot beside her father. Dressed in white furs that symbolized her innocence and that spoke of her rank, she glanced around under her lashes until she saw Banning and then gave a sigh of relief. The smile of reassurance he sent her made her shoulders straighten and her dainty chin come up as she listened to her father begin to speak. Having been made familiar with the ritual, she listened with half an ear only as her heart threatened to burst out of her chest.


The movement of the men in the shadows finally drew her attention back to the present. One by one, they stepped forward and Banning knelt before her father and at her feet. As was custom in her clan, when a man took a mate, her name was inscribed in his flesh by the men of her line. It was a tribute to the woman that they undertook this pain and they dedicated their lives to the health and happiness of their mate. With tears glistening in her eyes, Kaera watched her beloved as he underwent the custom but she didn’t shame him by allowing them to fall.

If he could endure then so could she.

Wulf was the last man to take part and with the application of the finalt brush of dye, he offered his hand and lifted Banning to his feet. His eyes glimmered wickedly as he embraced him and then stepped away, clearing the path for him to the waiting woman.

“Welcome to the family, brother of my heart. Take your bride and may you have many blessings upon your union.”

Before Kaera could blink, she was lifted into strong arms and then they were suddenly alone in the dwelling prepared for them by her mother and the other women of the tribe.

[Banning Vuldanshe]

The memories flowed like scenes from a movie across the sleeping woman’s mind, bathing the blackness of sleep with remembered love, gratitude, joy. As the familiar figures moved through the motions of the wedding ceremony and the events that followed, a shadow stood in the back of the room. Watching, waiting…longing.

As the tall warrior stood and returned to his bride, lines of pain creasing his brow and lips, something seemed to snap into place; the universe aligning between their joined hands. The men around them, family, roared in approval as he dipped his head down to taste the angel’s lips. Afterward, she wiped the blood off of his back and the two were escorted into the Great Hall. Mead flowed, meat was bountiful and a sense of peace filled the room.

Then, the wedding night came. Two souls, joined forever in holy matrimony under the watchful eyes of the Gods, came together; in flesh, in heartbeat, in thought. They became one, forever linked together by bonds stronger than the chorded muscle of their adored deities themselves.

Yeah, he remembered that night, and all the nights that followed in those two blissful years after his wedding day. The shadow in the back of the room watched, a pang of longing filling his chest until he thought he would burst from the inside out. His form, hazy and unclear in the face of such a strong memory, approached the couple. His hand reached out to touch the smiling face of the warrior’s bride, caress the cheek whose silken texture had been seared into his mind like the tattoos on his back.

But, unfortunately for him, the dead don’t get to have contact with the living. Airy skin melted through the laughing jaw of the woman, and he tilted back his head in a scream.

The woman…his wife. His mate. Alive, while he stood trapped between two worlds, in a prison of his own making.

With a rough growl, the shadow pulled himself away from the wedding scene currently flashing through his sleeping wife’s mind. If he tried hard enough and was ready to risk using up most of his ghostly energy, he could speak to the consciousness behind the memory. With a flick of his fingers, he could bring both himself and his wife to a corner of her mind and speak to her. There could be no physical contact, as he was only a figment of her imagination in this place…but Gods, to hear her voice, to hear his name on her lips…it was worth the after effects that came in the morning.

But was it worth her sanity?

Two years passed after his marriage day, and with it, brought war and pain. The ax had buried itself so deep in his middle, that most of his chest and abdomen had been ripped away, exposing the bone and muscle beneath. Even now, without true flesh, he could feel the hot blade slicing through his skin, and the hooves of screaming horses as they trampled what was left of him into the ground. As he lay on the wet soil, feeling himself slowly drift away from his body, he’d been forced to watch as his wife was beaten, raped. He’d fought so damn hard to stay, clinging to the broken flesh below his spirit’s fingers…but it was to no avail.

He could see it now; that bright, welcoming path that would lead him to Valhalla, to the family he’d lost in the past and the friends that awaited his journey to whatever waited beyond. He’d been drawn in like a moth to a flame, the warmth of that beautiful light filling him with peace, with acceptance. But he refused Valhalla’s hallowed halls without the presence of his wife beside him.

“It is not wise to dwell here, Banning Vuldanshe,” A voice whispered through the shadow’s mind. Like a child plucked out of a bathing pool, he found himself standing in Kaera’s bedroom, his formless hand floating above her beloved head.

Looking up, Banning inclined his head at the source of the voice; the tall, imposing presence in the form of a Norse warrior. Dressed in a simple tunic and sporting a worn wooden staff, the ruler of the gods of his people regarded him with a half smile. Immediately moving away from the bed, the berserker dropped to a knee before the God, head bowed.

“Well, it’s nice to see that you haven’t lost your manners after all this time,” The deity said, amusement lacing his voice. “But let’s dispense with the theatrics, heh? I’ve come to see if you’ve thought about my offer. It has been about a century since I’ve asked you last, and I’m just itching to see if you’ve finally changed your mind,”

Rising slowly, Banning cast a sideways look at his mate. When he’d died all those years ago, the image of his wife being brutalized by the bastards from a neighboring clan seared into his mind, he’d kept himself in the human world with every ounce of strength he had…but it hadn’t been enough. The light was so compelling, the voices of his family so inviting, that he’d begun to move toward it. Which was when Odin, Keeper of Asgard and Morganna, Goddess of War appeared, offering him a chance to remain on earth with his beloved.

He would never be able to communicate with her outside of dreams, the Gods declared, gazing at his grief ravaged form with pity. He could not touch her, spiritually enter her body, and in turn, she would only be able to feel a sense of his presence around her. He could enter her dreams, if he were willing to become incorporeal for two days, and only there, could he speak to her. He would risk his sanity, as well as her own, and be able to watch her, be with her, until the day that she died.

Or, Odin had added with a sideways glare at Morganna, he could be reborn in the mortal world; his spirit carrying the memory of his past life, but his mind wiped clean. Balking at the idea that he would be forced to forget Kaera and the life they had shared, he’d refused, instead agreeing to walk beside his mate, unseen and unheard outside of her dreams.

“Well? I’m not getting any younger, you know.”

Banning’s attention snapped back up to the wizened face of the God, and he glanced down at Kaera’s sleeping face once again. For over three centuries, he had watched his mate harden herself; cry out his name and spurn all other paths to happiness. His presence seemed to wound her, to make her question her sanity until she ended up crying out his name in anger and grief.

But he just…couldn’t leave her. If he had a heart in his chest, he would tell Odin to open up that lighted path and allow him to make the journey to Valhalla. He would let his mate move on, with the hope that, without his constant presence, she could forget and be happy once again.

However, he’d never been the most selfless grape in the bunch, and shaking his head, he knew he could never leave his Kaera. And yet…being here, as a ghost, only able to watch her every move and nothing more? He’d convinced himself that it was enough all those years ago, but now…now, he knew that it would never be.

Odin’s eyes widened as the berserker nodded his head in silent assent. Countless times, the question had been asked, and countless times, the answer had been the same. But Banning knew deep down, that if he was returned to Earth without his memory, he would still find his mate. Somehow.

As the old God raised a hand toward him, power trickling from the threads of reality around them, the warrior placed a shadowy hand over his wife’s face. “I am coming back to you, my love,” He whispered, trailing his fingers over the curve of her jaw. “We will be together again, one day. I swear.”

And then, there was darkness.

---


New Orleans, 2010, Grand Cemetery

Goddamn, his head freaking hurt like a mother. Drums…there were drums in his brain, banging like a call to war.

With a groan, he slowly sat up, squinting into the darkness around him. Where was he, and how did he get here? Muzzy shapes blinked in and out of focus, and he put a hand to the top of his head, fingers coming away with the dampness of the morning dew. He blinked, rubbed at his eyes and slowly, the world began to focus. Oval shapes in front of him…grass beneath his butt. The musky smell of dirt and death…cemetery.

What was a cemetery? And what was he doing in one?

In any case, he had to get away from it. A voice in the back of his head- jumbled voices…he understood the words, but it took him a minute to comprehend their meaning- whispered that he should stand. Move toward the road.

What was a road?

Slowly, carefully, with the world turning around him, he stood. His legs shook, as if unused to holding the weight of his body, and with a hoarse cry, he fell to his knees. Annoyance sparked in his chest…yes, that was it. Annoyance. Of course he could stand, could walk. He wasn’t an invalid.

What was an invalid?

The world was so confusing, and the thoughts, the questions in his head were no better. His head hurt, his stomach rumbled, and somewhere, a voice urged him to move. He would listen to it, for now, because it suited his needs. Arrogance…yes, another familiar word.

Wobbling like a newborn deer, he staggered awkwardly through the cemetery. Every once in a while, he would have to catch himself on a tombstone, or the iron fence of a crypt. Colorless angels glared down at him, condemning. He didn’t like it here.

Pushing himself off of a particularly worn stone marker, he stumbled through the cemetery, a gust of wind chafing at his face. There was a big, bright ball just starting to rise between the trees- sun, the voice whispered- and he was drawn toward it. Light, warmth. He needed warmth to make the shivers on his bare skin stop crawling up his spine and arms.

Naked and shaking, he staggered on, and with a harsh breath of air, forced himself through a thick copse of bushes and met the wide world beyond.

Asphalt, road…empty, for the moment. His belly growled again, and a hand stained with a familiar, swirling tattoo covered his middle. He was hungry, that was the feeling…Gods, he was so damn hungry…but where was he now? Confused. Everything was so confused.

His head whipped form side to side, panic settling in his chest. Where was he? Why was he there? Who was he? The questions whirled in his mind like a mini-tornado, and he fell to his knees. There was no one on the street around him, no one to help him…

There. A rustle. A twitching nose poked itself out of the brush to his right, and something growled in his head. Pain shot through his bones and he cried out, but the sound was lost in a throat enclosed by muscle and fur. Four legs picked up the shaking body above them, and he chased the now squealing prey, silver fur flashing against the dull green of the shrubs.

Snap. Squeal. Blood…satisfaction. The wolf smiled toothily at the carcass cradled between its paws, and the man inside returned the favor. The gnawing in his middle ceased, for the moment being, and he trotted back out into the street.

Where was he? Why was he there? The questions returned, and with it, the panic of the man inside the furry body. How had he gotten there? Gods, who was he? He couldn’t remember. Didn’t want to remember? No, couldn’t…NO!

Tilting its head back, the wolf howled; a low, anguished sound that penetrated the silent fog around the city.

Who was he? Gods…who was he?