Live or Die.. That is the Question {John, openish}

[Nathaniel Logan]

Long ago and far away I heard your voice
Once I heard you sing your song I had no choice
Terror took control and told me what to say
And let me loose, I fear I've finally found a way

So this was the big, bad John Sheppard? Nathaniel had read through the personnel files, hell he'd sat down with Hawk and helped sort out half the candidates. But he'd never met any of them face to face, and John Sheppard definitely wasn't going well with this first impression.

There was insubordination of course to start everything off, not to mention the fact that Sheppard had just banged his daughter in the other room. That was two strikes off his list. And the third strike? Well, that was just because he hated that idiotic grin on the man's face.

And as the saying went, three strikes and you're out.

Chuckling to himself, Nate hung his head and shook it slowly. "Sheppard, you have no idea who you're fucking with," his seemingly light tone informed the newborn vampire. His tone definitely didn't betray what happened next.

In the blink of an eye, Nate was in front of Sheppard, his expression friendly and even cordial. But contrary to expression, his hand shot out, grabbing Sheppard by the throat and pinning him to the wall, his feet dangling a good foot above the ground.

"You haven't earned the right to address me that casually soldier, so don't even think of talking back to me again." His grip, as an experienced vampire, was ironclad, and his glare was even stronger. "If you're going to address me, you address me as you would a superior. Got that boy? I'm Brigadier General Nathaniel Logan, and if I so wanted I could rip you limb from limb without even batting an eyelash. As it is, you're only alive because of my good graces, so shut that snarky little mouth of yours and behave."

Still smiling, Nate dropped Sheppard to the floor, and took a few steps back. That boy needed to be taught a lesson, and as long as he was under Nate's tutelage, he was sure as hell going to learn a few.

Crossing his arms, Nate glanced over at Hawk for a moment, noting his expression. It wasn't happy, but Hawk knew to trust his experience in this area.

[John Sheppard]

Making a dismissive hand gesture towards the older guy, John was about to be on his way when said guy stopped in front of him. And what now? He was going to give him a lecture about being nice to the elderly and the importance of sharing his feelings? Come on, the psychiatrist they were always trying to get him to attend to – off course he was always skipping and sneaking off base and into the city to get drunk and into a fight or two – wasn’t annoying enough?

But that guy had a more direct approach than the bitch had, when she danced around him with stupid ass questions, he went for the neck. Got to admire a direct approach, not that John didn’t want to rip off the guy’s heart off – newborn vampire instincts weren’t making him a care bear just now – because he did.

Gotten by surprise, he didn’t get to react to the guy’s hold in his throat or the rank pulling speech the man gave him, but it didn’t lasted long. And as the hold was released, John was sent back on his ass.

And what he did next?

He laughed. Granpa had guts, he would give the guy that much. Straight to the point…so was he.

Jumping to his feet with his newfound speed, he used the momentum to let a right hook rip at the man’s jaw, sending him back more than a few steps. Hey, if the guy wanted to get touch and feely, that was exactly the way Bullseye handled his problems, with his own brand of hands on approach. Who cared if that could land him in a brig? Not John, he had just scored with the woman he had been dreaming about for more than a while and he would face solitary confinement with a smile.

“I almost feel bad for hitting an old man. But you’re not my type General, so keep your paws to yourself.”

Hawk wasn’t at all happy, he could tell by the angry stare in the general’s face. Heck, he had never been the poster boy for obedience anyways. But he did get results, that no one could doubt, and that was way he didn’t get his ass kicked out long ago. That and soldier crazy enough to do what he did didn’t show up every day.

[Nathaniel Logan]

Long ago and far away I heard your voice
Once I heard you sing your song I had no choice
Terror took control and told me what to say
And let me loose, I fear I've finally found a way

Well that little shit...

He'd heard of insubordination before, hell even he'd been insubordinate a few times, but Sheppard was taking the term to new heights. Sucker punching a superior just out of the pure desire to do so? That was a new low. Just what kind of idiots were they letting into the military these days?

Chuckling to himself darkly, Nate shook his head, wiping the small trickle of blood from his lip gingerly. ""Hawk, you owe me for this one, big time. You got that?"

If he had more respect for the man, he probably would have congradulated him on that superb right hook. But right now, all that right hook was going to earn him was a good, old-fashioned ass-kicking.

"Listen here boy," Nate called, glaring over in Sheppard's direction. "Didn't I tell you not to call me old man? You really should learn to listen properly. It'll make this whole situation a lot easier. For one, you won't have to deal with half as many bruises."

Not one to let someone else have the last word, or in this case strike, Nate shot forward, and with a sharp kick, kneed Sheppard straight in the crotch. Was it a low blow? Sure, but as the saying went, life wasn't fair. In this case "not fair" meant a fair knocking right in the happy sack. And with any luck, if Nate kept that up, at least it would probably dissuade Sheppard from banging his daughter again anytime soon. Hey, wasn't that a happy thought!

Cracking his knuckles, he threw a pleased glance over in Hawk's direction. The man wasn't happy, but at the moment, Nate really didn't give a shit. He was having the time of his life right now.

Nate threw glance back toward Sheppard. "So you ready to buck up and start listening to what I have to say boy?" His tone, while still light, took on a more serious note. "As fun as this whole thing might seem to you, it's not a laughing matter. So stop acting like a child and shoulder some responsibility."

[Lt. Commander Katarina Foster]

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breaking
And I've been wrong, I've been down
Been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head
Scream, "Are we having fun yet?"

Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Kat had no idea what was going on but it was a whole lot of "WHAT THE FUCK?" One moment she and John were talking about his new life and the next some asshole that she didn't know was throwing his weight around like he was something special.

As words flew between John and whoever the hell he was, Kat glanced at her commanding officer and then frowned. Hawk wore a resigned look and when it became obvious that he wasn't going to do anything about the little pissing match that ensued.... Well, the red head quickly came to the determination that she was going to have to be the one who put an end to it.

It was reinforced by dickheads blow to parts no self respecting soldier would have cheap shotted.

Son of a Fucking Bitch.

Kat didn't care if he was the bloody fucking Pope. No one went around dealing things out like that here and she wasn't about to let either one of these idiots cause a compound wide incident. Being freshly out of his change and still adjusting to his new senses, John was at a big disadvantage and Kat's senses already told her that Asshole #1 was a vampire. There was no contest which one would come out on top in a fight at the current moment and it pissed her off that the older man would pull this shit.

Moving with her own quick, hybrid motions, Kat had Hawk's gun plucked from his holster and point directly at the new guy before he even realized what she'd done. Oh yeah, there were times when all these freaky supernatural abilities came in handy. Especially when dealing with two pissed of vampires and a compound full of humans.

"You know.....Just to clear the air here.. I don't give a bloody hell WHO the hell you are, GENERAL!" she snapped coolly as she stared coldly over the barrel of the weapon. "This is MY compound and your here only by invitation. The agreement when I took up this post was that I was answerable only to Hawk himself and any decisions regarding what went on here were cleared by me before they ever went into effect. Since the only other vampire that would be allowed to roam free on the premises would be the one Hawk suggested bringing in to help teach John how to deal with his new life.. I can only assume that would be you. However, I still have the final call on whether or not you stay or go and buddy... Your not making any brownie points at the moment.

From behind her, Kat heard Hawk sigh and saw him shake his head. Cocking her head just a bit, she looked over at John from the corner of her eye and calculated the damaged done before shifting her stance slightly so that she could see her commanding officer.

"General, if this is your best plan on helping a new vamp acclimate, its a piss poor one, no offense intended. John was settled before he came out of the cell and now his adrenaline is spiking. Damn it! We all fucking know that combat, stress, hunger or horniness can set off a vampires need to feed and this asshole just triggered two of those. If this is the "HELP" hes offering.. We can do without it." she said in clipped, cold tones. "I want him gone and I want him gone NOW!"

With an aggravated growl, Hawk reached Kat's side and snatched the weapon back out of her hand. Clicking the safety back into place, he glared at the rooms occupants before he replied. Rubbing his forehead, the officer meet the redhead's gaze and shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Kat, but I have to override your decision on this one. You aren't fully vampire so you can't train Sheppard on how to harness his new abilities and senses. He needs someone whos been through the process and able to help him adjust without becoming a menace to the public."

Turning a glare upon the other man, he continued.

"And you , General... Your not here to beat my men into submission. This is not a normal military group so don't expect these boys and girls to fall into any preconceived behavioral departments. There's a reason none of them are with normal units and you can't go throwing your weight around like your some sort of WWF star. I told you that before you came in and I meant it. I don't care what kind of provocation Sheppard here gives you."

Turning his frown upon John, he shook his finger in the soldier direction.

"Sheppard, damn it... Haven't you learned anything yet through this all? Keep your smart assed remarks to yourself and apply yourself to learning the ropes of your new life or I will personally put a silver bullet in your heart, got me Soldier? We have a job to do here and if your not pulling your weight then your a burden and that I won't have. You will learn everything General Logan can teach you and say thank you while your doing it or I'll make permanent death look like a cakewalk. I need each and every member of this team at their best and I won't settle for less."

Stalking back to the table, he picked up a file and then shooved it into Kat's hands.

"We've got another major mission coming up and another vampire on the crew would be an asset. It hasn't set well sending this team into situations in the past with only Kat and Derek to watch over them. Now that you've been changed, Sheppard, you can help them take out the worst of the lot."

Glancing at the folder in her hands, the red head frowned but she knew better than to argue with her uncle. From outside the door, she saw heads peeking through the window pane and knew the rest of the team was getting restless. She needed to get out there soon and brief them.

[Raven 'Amunet' Neftari]

“What do you MEAN that they’ve been in there for…GOOD LORD, FOUR HOURS?! THAT’S why you stuck me on that stupid ‘mission’ to get booze for the rest of the Team, wasn’t it? WASN’T IT?! I’m gonna fucking KICK YOUR ASS, LUCIEN!”

Stomping down the hallway toward the hospital wing, Rae shook off the hands doing their best to keep her restrained. Right after John and Kat were wheeled into the compound, they’d been surrounded by nurses, doctors and military shits with big ass guns and no clue. She’d been more than willing to volunteer and keep watch outside the door, but Lucien, ever the persuasive asshole, told her no; that the boys would need booze after their ordeal. And, given the fact that she wanted a shot or two herself, who was she to argue?

Last fucking time she let anyone order her pretty behind around, that was for DAMN sure. She should’ve known that it was some kind of trick that Julian thought up, in an attempt to get the volatile one away from his operating room. What if John didn’t make the change? What if the CO needed a transfusion, or something? What if they BOTH frikking died while she was out knocking heads in the liquor store, looking for the hard stuff?

Jesus, shit, crap, motherFUCKER, this was why she didn’t get involved! Ever! GAH!

Her boots made harsh squealing noises as she stormed through a set of swinging doors, catching sight of the rest of her team members gathered around a window. Her fists clenched and teeth practically grinding out of her head, she muscled her way through them- lucky bastards were able to smell pissed off and gave her plenty of room- and took a look for herself.

So, okay, whoof, relief; John was alive and standing. The Commander was also still breathing…and wow, definitely naked under…shit, was that John’s shirt? Immediately, a grin broke out over her face as she realized what the little costume deal must mean, and she mentally started pumping her arm. Hell yeah, her friend won over Ms. Brooding and Disgustingly Patriotic. Maybe the booze she stole would come in handy after all!

…And then the unfamiliar fool with the scraggly beard had to go and ruin all that new found happiness. She hadn’t arrived in time to catch the beginning of the fight, but as that swift kick in the nuts was delivered, she noticed some of the fresh blood on the soldier’s face…and proceeded to lose her cool.

“Oh no he did NOT!” With a yowl of anger, Rae proceeded to launch herself at the doorway and the man through it, gloved fingers curled in claws. Vlad, ever the quick-reflex-jerk, managed to grab hold of her arm before she could make it to the shit with the impenetrable knee. She grabbed onto the doorframe with both hands as her friend tried to drag her out, but she was able to stay long enough to hear Hawk’s newest orders.

“Oh no, oh hell no, man! He just kicked John in the balls! HE MUST DIE! And no court would convict me, ‘cause ‘he needs killing’ is airtight! How the hell is that fucker going to train John? LEMME KILL HIM! PLEASE, LEMME KILL HIM!”

With a martyred look on his face, Lucien dragged the flailing woman out of the room and back down the hall from whence they came. From the gallery window, Julian just sighed and shook his head, rubbing at his pounding temples as Junior proceeded to squeal that he liked the show. Slowly, he poked his head around the doorframe, raising a brow at the Commander and General Hawk.

“Before we debrief, sir, do I have more patients to take care of? And I’d like to check on Commander Foster and Lieutenant Shepperd.”

[John Sheppard]

There was something about punching an uptight general that had him smirking, especially if the general in question was being a word class asshole. Nonchalantly running a hand over his hair, he raised a brow at the man and rolled his eyes at the little speech he gave him. Why was that every idiot had the urge to pull rank on him? It was the urge to overcompensate something?

But the old man played dirt.

A swift knee to his crown jewels had John falling to his knees with a pained groan. Son of a bitch! And the idiot still had the guts to try to give him orders? If the man wanted to get his trust and to get him to listen, he was going about it completely the wrong way.

“I see your lips mover grandpa, but all I’m hearing is blah, blah, blah!” he answered holding to his injured area, “But give me a freaking minute and I will be ready to rip off your head.”

Yeah, being a vampire had made sex a hundred times better, but it also meant that area when kicked hurt a hundred times more as well. Wasn’t that a kick in the pants? Literally? Okay, better give him more than one minute.

But it did warm his undead heart to see Kat sticking out for him. One part of him wanted to see her pull the trigger at the bastard, it was the same part of him that wanted to see him bleed. The old man didn’t seem appetizing for him to want to bite, no, he’d be happier seeing the guy bleed down. No to mention he’d be happy to see Rae get her hands on him, that ought to be entertaining.

He would laugh at the guy’s face when Kat told him to piss off, if he wasn’t in such pain himself.

And then Hawk started talking.

Sheppard could say he wasn’t a fan of the general right then, not even a little bit. Pushing the pain back, he rose to his feet and glared at Hawk, an angry frown at his features.

“Well Hawk, this is how it’s going to be huh? I gave my life to fight for the team and I’m brought back to be treated like a damned pet and if I don’t please you, you’re going to put me to sleep? That’s not going to fly general. You need me, my skills, so you better let me do my job or try to put that bullet in my heart right now. She,” he pointed to Kat, “is the only one I’m going to listen to. And those guys out there,” he pointed to Lucian who still attempted to drag Rae away, “are the only ones I’m looking after. If you send this moron into the field, he better pull his own weight, because I’m not going to weep if he doesn’t make it back.”

Looking back at the dark haired general, he raised a brow and spoke in a sarcastic tone. “No offense grandpa, you’re just one world class asshole.”

[Nathaniel Logan]

Long ago and far away I heard your voice
Once I heard you sing your song I had no choice
Terror took control and told me what to say
And let me loose, I fear I've finally found a way

Well, this was certainly all going to hell, now wasn't it?

That little cheap shot had warmed the cackles of Nate's undead heart, but the next moment it was like his heart was doused in ice water. He'd been so focused on dealing the idiot with the inflated ego, that he'd failed to notice the one other person in the room, perhaps the most important person at all.

Katarina.

The moment she pulled Hawk's gun on him, his vampire instincts were ready to respond and neutralize the situation. But almost simultaneously, his own mind went into gear, and recognition kicked in. He froze instantaneously.

The sight of her, this close, was almost agonizing. It was like a ghost was standing beside him, a ghost that had already haunted his dreams for oh so many years.

Kat was the living image of her mother, of Lilly. And seeing her made Nate remember that night...nearly three decades ago. And it was agonizing. Kat was only here because of his mistake, because he had put Lilly at risk and nearly killed her in the process. It was a truth that still haunted him to this day.

His nostalgia soon vanished however, at the sight of her face. The expression she wore was nothing of the sort that would have ever graced Lilly Foster's face; it was angry and defensive, barely concealing a rage that would easily torn him to shreds with the slightest provocation.

Would she have still looked at him that way if she knew the truth? He hoped with all his soul that she wouldn't, but honestly...he didn't know.

Thankfully Hawk stepped in, and took charge of the situation. His words were stern, but they barely left an impression; whatever bravado and righteousness he'd acted under earlier was gone, replaced instead by a sense of sadness and submission. In essence, he was broken. All he did was nod in compliance at Hawk's words, and stood silent. There was some kind of commotion coming from the other room, but he merely ignored it.

Sheppard however of course didn't seem to loose one bit of that ego, refusing to comply for the most part. He still seemed to think he was some hot piece of shit, better than everyone else here with no burden to prove it. All he'd proved in the last few days was that he could be both reckless and stupid, on top of being the type of guy that easily got himself killed.

This kid would never learn. But Nate would do his best, and try to teach him the ropes...no matter how much it bothered him to do so.

"None taken, boy," he admitted in response to Sheppard's insult. "Consider me a brief outlook on what happens when you're a vampire after 30 years. Obviously, it ain't pretty." Nate had no qualms in admitted that he was fucked up; he probably had enough issues to fill this kid's entire ego, and hell, that was saying a lot.

Knowing that he'd acted "irresponsibly" earlier, Nate turned toward Kat, his expression muted and resigned. It hurt to look at her, the sadness inside him so overpowering.

Sighing heavily, he forced the words to come forth. ""I'm sorry Commander in my methods are a little brash for your tastes. This isn't an easy situation, but it needs to be taken care of, and Hawk's right in saying that this isn't something you can deal with. You have my word that I will deal with Sheppard and keep him alive, but I won't consign myself to being his punching bag. He's impulsive and aggresive, which will make this whole process harder, but it is necessary. If this isn't done properly, people will die. And do you want to be the one to pull the trigger when that happens?"

The words were harsh, but they needed to be said. This team was resistant, and like most brats with talent, they all thought they could take care of themselves. But this wasn't something they could deal with on their own, and humbling them to believe that was going to be tough.

[Mercedes Rowe]

Mercedes felt like the awkward man woman out as she watched the people around her. She crossed her arms over her chest, watching the scene unfold as some vampire came through with this air of superiority. The scuffle had her staring at the confrontation with completely surprise. They were definitely a rough bunch.

She had been staying close to Lucien, feeling comfortable near his presence until his friend, Rae, came storming through pissed off that he had sent her on a beer run. Her hazel eyes went a little wide as the woman launched herself at the door, screaming that she was going to kill him.

Then Lucien had her by the arm and marching down the hallway. She watched them walk off before glancing back at the doorway where the newly turned man was being held. Every time the door had opened she caught bits and pieces of the conversation. It sounded like the new vampire and the red headed woman really had a go in there. If this would have been under different circumstances she probably would have found this situation oddly amusing.

Her eyes darted towards Julian as he spoke, the other doctor that she didn't quite understand. She pushed off the wall and walked over to the wall across from where he was standing to lean against it, watching the door with intense scrutiny.

She couldn't help, but to wonder quietly if things got heated up like this around the group all the time. It didn't scare her, but it would be a good thing to know for future reference.

For now, all she could really do was sit back and wait. The way things had heated up she had to think that someone might need some tending when they left that room. It was just the ticket to get her mind off of all that had happened in such a small time.

She was still trying to digest the fact that she had no job. This was turning into one hell of a night.

[Lt. Commander Katarina Foster]

You can dig me up a grave
And try and stick me in the ground
You can tie me to the bed
And try and beat me half to death
But you can never keep me down
And I will survive


Hawk was the first person to respond to the harsh words flying about and the look he leveled on John didn't hold any apology even though his eyes were kind.

"Son, it isn't my job to blow roses up your ass. Its my job to keep this team and this compound under control and in running order." he retorted back at the dark haired soldier. "I couldn't give a rats ass if i've hurt your feelings as long as you get your act together and work with General Logan here so that you don't endanger anyone on a mission. The world isn't a fair place and not everyone has the opportunity that Lt. Commander Foster has given you so don't fuck it up."

From her position beside her commanding officer, Kat watched the exchanges with keen eyes and supressed a sigh. This whole situation was her fault but she couldn't bring herself to regret the choices she'd made. It had given John another lease on life and that was the important thing.

Suddenly, commotion at the door had her whipping her head upwards and it was all she could do to hide the smirk that crossed her face as Rae's screams and shouts rang through the hall. Poor Lucien. He was no doubt ready to gag the woman.

Turning her attention back to the conversation going on in the room, Kat shifted self conciously and edged towards the door. She needed so clothing and all this was just making that more and more apparent. However, before she could go far, the Generals gaze caught hers and there was such a mix of emotions there that she was stunned for a moment.

His words though, at least, made sense to her.

"I agree, General. This is a situation that we all need to work together. Speaking of which... Hawk? We have a civilian doctor out here supernatural knowledge. She is recently been let go from her post so I would recomend we see if she's willing to take up a job with us to help Julian out?"

Glancing sideways at John, she continued.

"Now.. if you will all excuse me... I need to go.... see about some.. personal business."

With her chin lifted regally, the red headed commander strode out the door and ignored the sound of Curse's whistle even as her cheeks turned red and she wondered how dignified it would be for her to run.

And WHO THE HELL"S SHIRT WAS SHE WEARING ANYWAYS?

[Raven 'Amunet' Neftari]

“We seem to have a communication problem here, Vlad. Get it through you’re head; HE NEEDS TO DIE.”

“He is General, you little fool. He did not seriously injure John. Is just…show of power between them.”

“I don’t give a rat’s ass, nobody kicks my buds in the suds without my say so, dammit! Why in the HELL Hawk’s letting all this slide is beyond me…and what about Kat? She’s in his SHIRT, and she didn’t even shoot the schmuck! Obviously she needs some help and I’m just the girl to do it! NOW LEMME GO!”

“When you are calm, you can go…ack, stop that, Raven. Is disgusting. Stop. I SAY STOP!”

Well, there was one thing she knew for sure; rubbing her ass against her captive’s crotch when they were as close as brother and sister got her out of a cop-hold in t minus ten. Whirling around when Lucien practically threw himself toward the wall opposite them, she immediately turned around and marched back toward the double doors that would lead her to the med wing. When her arm was grabbed, she easily shook him off and shoved through until she could rejoin the group.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” She grumbled when her arm was grabbed again. “I won’t kill anyone, okay? Jesus, this chicken shit outfit is gonna give me an aneurysm. So what the hell did I miss? More of General Jackass doing some more kung fu moves?”

With a martyred sigh- and yet another shiver of utter disgust at what he’d just been through- Lucien moved back to Mercy’s side as if he’d never moved away from her. While he was tempted to curl his arm around her waist, the sudden scrutiny by the other soldiers as the Commander decided to announce her new position within the compound had him pause. She would be working…with them? As in staying on base and not dealing with anything in the field? Okay, he could work with that. Maybe.

If Curse was doing anything but staring at the ceiling, the man was about to die.

For his part, Julian was taking everything in stride. He looked at John the Newly Turned Vampire as one less patient in the med wing in the future, saw the unfamiliar General as someone to inform Junior as being one who could not be eaten, Mercy’s new position as a load off his shoulders…and Kat in a man’s shirt as something he did not see. Keeping his eyes respectfully on her face, he just nodded when she turned to leave.

[Lt. Kalii Duran]

Kalii had followed the rest of the team into the containment observation area. At least those of them that had chosen to come. She wasn't sure if she had wanted to come. She had seen new born vampires change before, it was not a new experience for her.

She was there all along but had remained quiet. Tried to stay out of the way. At first she watched with the others, hoping that things would go well. That John would make it through and be alright. That he would be able to harness the beast. She thought that was what they were all hoping for.

When it looked like Kat might have to put him down she sighed and took a deep breath. Then suddenly things changed. Kalii raised her eyebrows. That's when she decided she didn't need to see the rest, it was fairly obvious what was starting to happen. She just hoped that someone had the decency to pull the shade on the observation window at some point.

Kalii walked over to one of the side walls. Leaning against it she took a moment and tilted her head back. Then she let her body slide slowly down the wall until she was sitting on the ground. Her knees were bent up to her chest. Resting her arms across her knees she had that thousand yard stare thing going for awhile. She sat staring across the room. Focusing on some unimportant spot across from her. Letting her mind just sit there blank. She didn't want to think. The thinking was bad.

She needed a drink.

After awhile she let her eyes close. That might have been a mistake. Losing her focus on that useless spot, along with the darkness behind her eyelids, opened her mind. Things started to fly in and out. Flashbacks, memories. Randoms thoughts started swirling, other missions, other hunts, she couldn't stop the onslaught.

Then came the most recent memories. The latest mission. The one that they had embarked on that very night. Over and over is went through her head. Everything that happened. What went wrong? Why did this happen? Her breathing started to get deep and ragged as she got lost in the thoughts. Torturing herself with what had happened. What could she have done better? She should have been faster. Been more aware. Came more well equipped. So many questions, so much frustration.

Slowly she started to bang her head against the wall. Her eyes were still closed. She didn't even know she was doing it. With everything going on around her, no one would probably even notice so it didn't matter. She clenched her teeth, trying to push everything back into that box she kept in her mind. That box that was usually locked up tight. Things weren't supposed to get out of there. She wasn't supposed to feel these things. She had a job to do, a mission. Focus, she needed to focus.

She needed a god damn drink, that is what she needed.

Fucking Christ she hated when a mission went bad.

[John Sheppard]

Okay, good, he could almost breathe now without feeling a searing pain. Damned bastard couldn’t go for a fair fight, talk about insta-hate for someone. Like dealing with the psych bitch wasn’t enough, he had to deal with gandpa Dracula now? Dying seemed like a walk in the par compared to it.

Frowning, John turned his attention to Hawk.

“Who gives a crap about feelings general? It’s about camaraderie, about being loyal to those who got themselves killed out there for doing your dirty work. I died, but that wasn’t enough to prove myself, oh no! You talk to me like you own my hide? The only reason that is keeping me on this team right now is Kat, and I will only do what she says. I will fight alongside anyone in this team to death…again. That doesn’t include general asshole and as off now, I don’t give a rat’s ass about you too…’ his words them took a sarcastic tone, “and if that hurts YOUR feelings, who cares?”

You fight, and fight, and fight…and die saving one of the team and they still act like he had to prove himself? As far as John was concerned…fuck them all. The only things keeping him from blowing that place and going for a solo act were Curse and Rae, not to mention obviously Kat.

Turning back to the dark haired general, he frowned. Was this old man ogling Kat? He was, the sob was practically drooling over her! Oh the urge to rip off his eyeballs!

What had Kat said about the things that set out a vampire’s hunger again? Because he was might angry right then.

“We all know you’re an ugly bastard general, no need to tell us that. And not even in a hundred years… - wow could he live for a hundred years now? – I won’t be half the ass you’re….And oh, you’re talking to her now like I’m not even in the room? I hate you.”

Ah what the hell, he was tired of dealing with those stupid generals, John wanted a quiet place to rest his eye for a bit…and that half-empty bottle of boom-boom he had stashed on his bunker, with any lucky no one had found it.

[Nathaniel Logan]

Long ago and far away I heard your voice
Once I heard you sing your song I had no choice
Terror took control and told me what to say
And let me loose, I fear I've finally found a way

Right now, it was taking all of Nate's long-trained self control not to rip Sheppard to pieces. He'd never had the chance to raise kids, but hell, right now it felt like he was dealing with a bratty little nine year-old throwing some kind of existential temper tantrum!

If this was what it was like to raise a kid, Nate was sure as hell glad the opportunity never seemed to work out. Right now, he felt like tearing off Sheppard's own arm and just beating him with it till all that was left was a bloody pulp. All in all, Nate was a pretty calm and tolerant guy, but this idiot was pushing all the wrong buttons in ways that he'd never seen before.

Breathing in deeply, he tried to force a sense of calmness through him. "Do you have a damn off button?" he asked coldly, his gaze icy enough to probably freeze-over hell. "And I'm going to ignore you as long as you keep acting like a damn child throwing a fucking temper tantrum, got it? You need to stop acting like you're five years-old, with a mommy and daddy that give you everything and never say no! You're a adult now and you need to buck up and realize that not everything is going to go how you want it to. Life is about compromise, and that first compromise right now is to SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" His ranting managed to tap into his temper, and his couldn't help but practically scream the last few words.

What did he need to do to make Sheppard understand the gravity of the situation? Could he really be one of those damned imbeciles that needed something disasterous to happen to make them wake up and see the truth? If he didn't listen, or follow directions for that matter, people would die; it was as simple as that.

Nate couldn't help but steal a glance at the others, all of Sheppard's teamates. They were the ones in the first line of fire. If Sheppard lost it, they'd be the first ones to get hurt, to get killed.

It was easy to march into battle, thinking you were invincible. Nate knew the feeling, but he also knew the other side too. What if, in the midst of a fight, someone was hurt? With the adrenaline pumping, instinct too often took over. And in those cases, the smell of fresh, human blood was too much to resist.

When Nate faced Sheppard again, and spoke, this time his voice was softer, more pleading. "Look, I know this whole situation doesn't seem like it's fair. And hell, it ain't. But you know what? Bad things happen to good people; that's just how the world works. Whining and being stubborn in the face of change isn't helping anyone, and in your case, it's bound to get someone killed. Are you going to stand by that? Let one of them die just because you're too damn stubborn to let people help you?" He glanced over at the others, trying to convey his point.

Right now, this whole thing seemed like an impossible situation. If it weren't for the fact that Kat was involved, as well as the nasty little piece of reality which meant that Sheppard was his fledgling, part of his damn blood, then Nate would just walk away from now. Damn human conscience...

"Can you all help here?" He turned toward the others, his expression searching. Hopefully Sheppard's teamates would help him, though there was that one girl that still looked as though she wanted to chew his head off.

[Mercedes Rowe]

Hearing the words that the red headed woman said about seeing if she wanted a job, Mercedes hazel eyes lifted and blinked. They were going to offer her a position with Julian? She glanced over at the other doctor.

When Kat came out of the room, she held her gaze on the Commander's face, not wanting the woman to feel awkward. She did notice the new shirt on her though. She was sure that almost everyone did.

Looking next to her she just realized that Lucien was by her side. She slid closer to him, closing that small gap so their shoulders touched. "How would you feel if I worked here as well?" She asked him in a hushed tone, wishing to know the truth. Because if it bothered him she would not work here. She would not jeopardize losing Lucien over a job. It just wouldn't happen.

The fingers on her hand closest to his, brushed up against it. She couldn't wait to get out of here and talk to Lucien more about this. Everything that had happened still hadn't completely settled into her brain. It was a lot to take in. So much had happened to her the last couple of nights.

Just like she knew Lucien probably had a lot of questions as well. Like why she had lost her job. It all correlated with the events over the last couple of days.

It would have to all wait though. Because wow...she felt exhausted. She even let out a tired yawn, something she didn't do quite often. She almost always had enough energy to go days without rest.

Her eyes darted towards the room as the one man asked if any of them were going to help. She frowned, not sure what it was they were supposed to help with. It looked pretty calm in there to her, at least, for now.

[Lt. Commander Katarina Foster]

I'm out of character
I'm in rare form
and If you really knew me
you'd know its not the norm
Cause I'm doing things that I normally won't do
the old me's gone
I feel brand new
and if you don't like it fuck you

OH Yeah. Like this wasn't freaking AWKWARD.

Walking out of that room wearing nothing but a man's shirt and combat boots wasn't something she ever wanted to repeat again. Curse's widening eyes and open mouth earned him a hard pop in the stomach as she passed and she felt satisfaction as he dropped to the ground and battled to breath.

Petty? Maybe. Satisfying? Definitely.

"Not one fucking word!" she hissed out as she passed them all and then headed for her bunker with what she hoped was a pace that didn't look like she was fleeing the scene of a crime. Forcing herself to keep her steps as steady as possible, she didn't glance behind her to see if John was following or allow herself to hope that he was. All these emotions were still to raw and to volatile for her to deal with.

"Keep it together, Kat." she told herself even as she paced the distance to her quarters and hit the code to unlock the door. "Keep it together or they are all going to know just how unstable you really are."

Once the entryway slide open, the red headed commander stepped inside and instantly starting kicking off her boots and shedding the shirt. She hated weaknesses and she felt raw and exposed. She could only imagine how John felt.

Heading for the shower, Kat turned it on as hot as possible and climbed in. The easing heat relaxed her muscles and she felt the raw spot on her throat throb just a bit. Man, she hadn't even realized that was there. Reaching up, she touched it and immediately felt as if John were there with her.

And they thought a vampires bit couldn't be an erotic thing. Shit, what the hell had she done? Had she doomed the both of them to hell? Or to heaven? Kat didn't know but she supposed the die was cast and they would find out.

Easing back against the tile, the commander closed her eyes and lost herself to the feel of the falling water.